Race for the Cure

Friday night I hadn't slept well..I kept waking up. My cousin had told me he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to take me to the race so I was trying to decide if I was going to walk to World's Fair Park. It's three miles from my house. That was on top of the three miles I was going to race. On top of that the weather had gotten very cold. The race time temperature was only going to be in the 20s. Was I willing to race in the cold? Wearing a coat wasn't an option, I knew I'd burn up. It was all weighing on me heavily as I laid down for bed.

The night was rough. I tossed and turned all night but couldn't sleep well. When the alarm clock went off at 7 a.m. I didn't want to get up, but I knew I had to get up and shake off the previous day's misery. As I was sitting there a text came through from a classmate who was already at the race. She was holding a sign showing that she was wearing a In Honor of race bib and she had written in my name. I felt very emotional and blessed so I knew I had to go. I got up, got ready and text my cousin in hopes he would show up. He called back and drove me to the race.

When I got to World's Fair Park, there was my classmate..I got checked in and she and her sorority sister got me shirts. I put them on over my other 2 shirts and she walked with me to the Zeta tent where I got food and drinks. I then walked from tent to tent collecting all the free goodies that survivors get. After a couple biscuits, a cupcake and some hot chocolate, I was feeling more energized so I was ready to race. I climbed the stairs to the bridge where the race was set to begin.

As the race started I began shooting photos and video clips with my cellphone and posting them on Instagram and Facebook. I wanted other people to share in the race experience. One of my friends had paid for my registration so I wanted to be sure he saw that I was really out there racing.

There were over 13,000 people out here for the race. For a survivor to be surrounded by so many people that obviously were passionate about the cause, it is very overwhelming. Several times I had to hold it together to keep from crying. Total strangers kept coming up to me and congratulating me on being there..I even got the local radio station to shout out my 2 1/2 years of being a  survivor. I couldn't get a full run out because there were so many people but I stayed at a brisk walk while I snapped photos and listened to my music.

Three miles isn't that long, in time you get used to it, but the blistering cold that morning made the distance seem so much further. The cold seemed to penetrate..I had to keep my gloves off to take photos which made my hands freeze. I just ignored it so I could keep snapping pictures. After awhile I didn't even feel the cold. I was feeling good and upbeat. Gone was the sadness from the say  before, I knew I was going to finish this race.

Near the finish line they separate the survivors from everyone else. I am then escorted across the line by one of the UT fraternities and given a carnation. Everyone comes over to hug me. It is the most amazing feeling. After the race I am given a single white rose. It is a symbol to me of all the hard work, effort and time I put into preparing myself mentally and physically for completing another 5k.

Now it's time to find the next 5k for me to enter.

Shaken Confidence

The day before the race and I'm feeling out of sorts. I spent the whole week working on a video package for my television broadcasting class and didn't get a chance to hit the gym for three days. Thursday night I had finished the video so I was glad I was going to get a chance to hit the gym one last time before race day. I was feeling confident about the video, I knew I had worked really hard on getting the right footage this time. I went and worked out and my classmates kept texting me and telling me how well they did. I felt I would do well. I was ready.

I went to get my review and it was a disaster. The professor butchered my video pointing out flaw after flaw after flaw, some of them imaginary. He said I was making no progress and I hadn't learned a thing. He told me I needed to come back for a semester and pay to take a practicum so I could learn more. I left his office beaten and downtrodden. I went and hid in a downstairs bathroom and cried my eyes out for over an hour.

It wasn't just that he criticized my work and told me I needed to come back for another semester that made me feel so bad, it was the fact that I had worked so hard and failed that hurt me. If I had failed at this what makes me think I'm not going to fail at the race tomorrow? I had worked hard on this video only to see it trashed. I had only worked out twice this past week, nowhere near enough to do well in a three mile race...how the hell was I going to do this? What the hell makes me think I'm any good?

In all my time here I had never doubted myself, never questioned how hard I work or how much time I put in on anything, and just like that my confidence was shattered. I didn't even want to go to the race now. What was the point?   Friday night as I went to bed I wasn't sure I would wake up on race day and go. It was a sad change of events.

Preparing for Race Day

Yesterday I had to work at UT for a class project. When the project was over I realized I had no way to get back home. Buses and trollies weren't running and my two classmates I was working with both lived walking distance. My house is a little over three miles from campus. Realizing that I am training for a 5K on Sunday, I knew it was best to for me to walk home. This would give me a last chance to get a little bit of training in.

This week had been hard as far as my training schedule. Several late nights at UT working on a class project had left me unable to hit the gym and get in the proper running time. I felt out of sorts and it was playing a factor in my confidence for the race today. It wasn't like I was going to sprint in the race and therefore I was worried about not having a good time or beating someone else, it was a worry that not training enough would not give me enough energy to complete this race.

So here on this hot Saturday afternoon the thought occurred to me to go ahead and walk home and get this last bit of training in. Now the problem was I had already been walking the entire campus and all of the strip too. My feet were hurting and sweat was pouring off of me.

But then I remember what I'm walking for..breast cancer. I stop my whining and start walking. It is two hours before the start of the UT-GA game so the crowd is moving towards the stadium instead of away from it like I am so it is frustrating to try to get through the packs of people. I don't complain, I blast the music in my iPhone louder and keep going. My walk home is mostly uphill so when I reach my only downhill I pick up speed to make up for the time.

After 44 minutes I reach my house in east Knoxville. I have beaten my last time so I am encouraged I can have a good race. I know that I haven't lost my desire or competitive edge so I look forward to my chance to race.