The day before the race and I'm feeling out of sorts. I spent the whole week working on a video package for my television broadcasting class and didn't get a chance to hit the gym for three days. Thursday night I had finished the video so I was glad I was going to get a chance to hit the gym one last time before race day. I was feeling confident about the video, I knew I had worked really hard on getting the right footage this time. I went and worked out and my classmates kept texting me and telling me how well they did. I felt I would do well. I was ready.
I went to get my review and it was a disaster. The professor butchered my video pointing out flaw after flaw after flaw, some of them imaginary. He said I was making no progress and I hadn't learned a thing. He told me I needed to come back for a semester and pay to take a practicum so I could learn more. I left his office beaten and downtrodden. I went and hid in a downstairs bathroom and cried my eyes out for over an hour.
It wasn't just that he criticized my work and told me I needed to come back for another semester that made me feel so bad, it was the fact that I had worked so hard and failed that hurt me. If I had failed at this what makes me think I'm not going to fail at the race tomorrow? I had worked hard on this video only to see it trashed. I had only worked out twice this past week, nowhere near enough to do well in a three mile race...how the hell was I going to do this? What the hell makes me think I'm any good?
In all my time here I had never doubted myself, never questioned how hard I work or how much time I put in on anything, and just like that my confidence was shattered. I didn't even want to go to the race now. What was the point? Friday night as I went to bed I wasn't sure I would wake up on race day and go. It was a sad change of events.
No comments:
Post a Comment